Your 15 Track Holiday Shopping Playlist, Part I of II.

Written by  //  November 30, 2007  //  The Conservatory  //  5 Comments

Esteemed Ph.D. of Listology Professor Honeydew presents a symposium on…

Your 15 Track Holiday Shopping Playlist (Part I of II).

Dearest readers, I return to you after a brief bit of laying low; apparently, some members of the law enforcement community took offense with my previous lecture. With those matters attended to and sporting an attractive new ankle bracelet, I herewith turn my attention to that most pressing of matters weighing on your mind this holiday season: shopping.

Although Black Friday and Cyber Monday are fading fast in the rear view mirror of retail splendor, everyone worth knowing knows that Donnybrookites wait patiently until mid-December to purchase their gifts. True enough, you will find the occasional Jew among us, voraciously feasting on penny-pinching price drops after the last bite of turkey has been gobbled; however, the more sober of our flock may enjoy this Holiday Shopping Playlist on their Walkman brand portable music devices as they stroll through Lord & Taylor on Christmas Eve…

01| The Wipers “Window Shop for Love” | Window shopping is a generally preferred alternative to actual shopping, which I am told involves the surrendering of monetary assets in exchange for the alleged pleasure of gift-giving. Perhaps that is why The Wipers sound so angry.

02 | The Slits “Shoplifting” | An even more enjoyable alternative to window shopping is the youthful pastime of shoplifting, a practice as exciting as it is fiscally responsible. Perhaps that’s why these gals are so hip-pippity.

03 | Schneider TM “Pac Man/Shopping Cart” | Despite not having the foggiest notion of what a “Pac Man” is, I do believe shopping trolleys are an integral facet of the gift buying experience.

04 | Sportique “Art & Shopping” | Most of my expansive private art collection has been procured at Sotheby’s and Christie’s.

05 | The Auteurs “Junk Shop Clothes” | Second-hand stores are the ideal proving ground for the more parsimonious set.

06 | Allen Clapp “Shopping Mall Disaster #1″ | I do recall reading something about this in the pages of The Guardian last month.

07 | Charles Mingus “Tijuana Gift Shop” | M. Mingus has the proper idea: allow your loved ones to select their own gift items by taking them on vacation to an exotic land like Mexico…

08 | Populous “Pawn Shop Close” | …Or if thrift is more your speed, take a gamble on your local pawning institution.

About the Author

Professor Honeydew is an esteemed Ph.D. (Dr. of Listology), espouser of unpopular culture, cognac enthusiast, and the founder/curator of the acclaimed One Track Mind.

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5 Comments on "Your 15 Track Holiday Shopping Playlist, Part I of II."

  1. Ivyy November 30, 2007 at 8:14 am · Reply

    15 tracks? I count only 8. More please. Oh, and as for the Jew comment…. sigh. You Gentiles are quite simply envious of our talent with coin.

  2. what more can i say November 30, 2007 at 9:24 am · Reply

    Part I of II. The Prof. hasn’t been this funny since…well, since his last post.

  3. Toastface Killa November 30, 2007 at 10:58 am · Reply

    “Shoplifting” over “Shoplifters of the World Unite”?

    You’ll be hearing from my lawyers, Honeydew.

  4. Angora November 30, 2007 at 12:39 pm · Reply

    I noticed your new ankle bracelet and it certainly looks silly with your culottes. I think a trip outside Donnybrook Maison, to get some new clothing to match it, is in order.

  5. Sid Pink December 2, 2007 at 11:51 am · Reply

    I can only assume that “Been Caught Stealin’” will appear in Part II – along with “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses.

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